Family Values

Wednesday, 11 November 2004

Jean Martinet, a PT investigative reporter, was digging through a dumpster outside the headquarters of a prominent consultant to the Republican party from the religious right, when he came across a document discussing Family Values as a campaign issue. (Editor's note: Martinet was digging through the dumpster for a story, not for food; PT pays its reporters enough to buy food.) The document, a single sheet of yellow, ruled paper torn from a tablet, appears to be a list of possible values that more moderate Republicans suggested could be championed by the party, along with annotations penned by the consultant. An in-depth analysis of the work by PT staff reveals a startlingly straightforward message. Here is a transcription of the document in the transcription, NG apparently stands for "No Good").

helping children in povertyNG, doesn't involve sex
championing the rights of womenNG, doesn't involve sex
opposing war, working for peaceNG, doesn't involve sex
relieving the debt burden of the poorest countries in the worldNG, doesn't involve sex
opposition to abortionGOOD! involves sex
increased financial support for alleviating the AIDS epidemicNG, doesn't involve sex
raising the federal minimum wageNG, doesn't involve sex
opposition to gay rights, especially gay marriageEXCELLENT! involves sex
providing health care for all AmericansNG, doesn't involve sex
reforming the federal tax code to shift more of the burden from the poor and the middle class to the exceptionally wealthyNG, doesn't involve sex
providing more federal funds for schools, especially in poverty-stricken areas of the countryNG, doesn't involve sex
opposition to all medical stem-cell research involving new cell linesGREAT! involves sex
increased respect for religious liberty, as enshrined in the doctrine of the separation of church and stateNG, doesn't involve sex
protection of the environmentNG, doesn't involve sex
taking steps to reduce nuclear proliferation and eventually eliminating nuclear stockpiles of weaponsNG, doesn't involve sex
recognizing that the rights of individuals are more important than the "rights" of corporationsNG, doesn't involve sex
recognizing the continuing legacy of slavery by supporting affirmative action programs where discrimination still existsNG, doesn't involve sex
strong support for important civil rights enshrined in the Bill of Rights, including freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom to assemble peaceably, equal protection under the law, illegality of cruel and unusual punishmentNG, doesn't involve sex
support for reasonable restrictions on the ownership of assault weapons, handguns, and other weapons not used for huntingYEAH, RIGHT! (NG, doesn't involve sex)
opposition to capital punishmentNG, doesn't involve sex
support for an individual's basic right to privacy from government intrusionNG, doesn't involve sex
supporting voting reforms that make it easier, not harder, for citizens to vote and to make sure that their votes are properly countedARE YOU KIDDING? (NG, doesn't involve sex)

Our detailed analysis of this document indicates that it was produced somewhere between one year and six months ago, and it is evident that the consultant's suggestions were followed scrupulously by the Bush campaign team. Calls to administration officials and spokespeople for the consultant went unanswered.

© Copyright 2004, Progressive Theology

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