Evolution and Other Controversial Theories Expelled from Georgia Public Schools

Many Scientists in Uproar; Various Advocacy Groups Applaud "Fair Play"

Thursday, 29 January 2004

Georgia Schools Superintendent Kathy Cox has proposed removing much of the discussion about evolution from science classrooms across the state, even replacing the word "evolution" with the more politically palatable "biological changes over time," according to today's Atlanta Journal-Constitution. A spokesman for Cox said Wednesday, "The discussion of evolution is an age-old debate and it is clear that there are those in Georgia who are passionate on both sides of the issue--we want to hear from all of them."

Are more changes to the Georgia curriculum in the offing? Sources close to the state's department of education, speaking to Progressive Theology reporter Tod O. L. Mundo off the record, said that many more changes were in the works. "For years liberal pundits have pushed the theory of evolution and other controversial theories on unsuspecting students as though they were facts, not theories, and it's going to stop," said the source. "We want our students to know that there are people who hold other theories that are equally legitimate. It's not our job as educators to force the opinions of one group of scientists on our children while the views of other scientists are ignored."

What other theories will soon be challenged in Georgia classrooms? Our source indicated that many will be jettisoned from their position of privilege within the curriculum over the next two years. The following is an incomplete and, as of press time, unconfirmed list of theories that Georgia students may soon learn are just one theory among many.

  1. The theory of gravity. Since the days of Isaac Newton, the theory of gravity has been a staple of classroom science, but alternate theories do exist. The neo-Aristotelian theory draws on the works of critics of Galileo Galilei, the Italian scientist who claimed that all objects fall at the same rate of acceleration, regardless of weight. New, more accurate measurements, the buoyancy of air, and other factors unavailable to Galileo are causing the neo-Aristotelians to revive Aristotle's theory that heavier objects actually fall faster. In another alternative to Newton, scientists from the Chicago Institute of Biblical Truth claim that the laws of gravity are not universal. They point to such documented examples as an iron axe-head floating on water (2 Kings 6:1-7) and Jesus' bodily ascension into heaven (Acts 1:9), though they dispute a similar incident ascribed to the Virgin Mary by Catholic scholars.
  2. The spherical earth theory. This theory is based on Newton's theory of gravity, but proponents of a movement known as Common Sense Science say that it's obvious that objects fall off the bottom of any sphere (unless attached by glue, magnets, Velcro, chewing gum, etc.), so the earth can't be a sphere. Common Sense Science is a movement closely related to the Flat Earth Society, and in fact the two groups often present their cases for a flat earth to school boards across the country.
  3. The grand unification theory. Mainstream scientists are searching for a theory that will unite the forces of electricity, magnetism, the weak nuclear force, the strong nuclear force, and gravity. String theory is one possible path to the grand unification theory, though scientists have suggested other alternatives as well. Recently, however, some scientists have proposed that the theory of atomic structure that drives these theories is completely wrong. "Protons, neutrons, electrons, quarks, neutrinos--no one has ever seen these particles, and no one ever will, because they don't exist!" claims Dr. Paul Schroeder of the Science and Metaphysics Policy Forum of Washington, DC. Schroeder and others say that the ancient Greeks were right in their proposal that the atom was the smallest indivisible particle in the universe, a century of scientific experiments notwithstanding. "I've reviewed the papers describing the major experiments, and all of them are based on flawed presuppositions that skewed the results," Schroeder claims.
  4. The theory of relativity. Einstein may have a reputation for brilliance, but can anyone really trust the work of a scientist who flunked algebra? So asks Dr. Lucius Malfoy of the Cambridge College of Sunnyvale, California. Malfoy believes that the speed of light, which Einstein believed to be constant relative to an inertial frame of reference, actually varies depending on one's proximity to the center of the universe. If the speed of light isn't constant, Einstein's formula E=mc2 no longer holds.

These are just a sample of some of the theories that school children of Georgia will soon be exposed to in their classes. But it's not just the science classroom that faces a shakeup. Proponents of various racial theories, political theories, and economic theories are also vying for equal access to young minds, and rumor has it that even high school sports teams will face broader perspectives that those currently offered by their coaches. Don't be surprised to see Georgia football teams trotting out old favorites like the wishbone offense and the flying wedge next season.

What is the reason for all these changes? Another source close to the state schools superintendent notes that Georgia currently ranks 50th out of 50 states in standardized test scoring, so something clearly needs to change. "Our idea is that if we let every yahoo with a theory expose his or her thoughts to our students, maybe test scores will improve." One can only hope.

[Editor's note: On 5 February 2004, Kathie Cox, the State Schools Superintendent, reversed her earlier decision and decided to include the word "evolution" in the Georgia high school science curriculum guidelines. However, she made no mention of adding those sections of the national science curriculum guidelines concerning evolution which she and her committee had omitted.]

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